The Ziti Project

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	Whenever you visit Montgomery	[Beefy]
	I expect you to write out a summary	[Francine]
	Of nightclubs and bars	[Beefy]
	And rednecks in cars	[Karin]
	And white sheets and other such mummery	[Francine]
	When enjoying the glaciers in Juneau	[archaeopteryx]
	We'll keep warm by doing...well, you know	[Francine]
	The air will be bracing	[Beefy]
	As mukluks we're lacing	[Francine]
	It's challenging, that much I do know	[Beefy]
	While admiring the cacti of Phoenix	[Karin]
	And ogling the tanned bodies of lean chicks	[Francine]
	Watch out for the law	[Beefy]
	Their state prison's no spa	[Francine]
	With mattresses stuffed with used Kleenex.	[Will H]
	They say that the folks here in Little Rock	[Francine]
	Spend all their free time playing shuttlecock	[Nymo]
	When Hil swings her racket	[archaeopteryx]
	Oh boy, does she whack it	[Nymo]
	Don't read the transcript; it'll shock [Kansas Sam offering per QT]	[Francine]
	When driving through old Sacramento	[Beefy]
	Here and there you will find a memento	[Francine]
	Of wild western days	[Beefy]
	And gals dressed in stays	[Karin]
	(It's fun for just uno momento.)	[Will_H]
	If you scale the Rockies of Denver	[Karin]
	Tomorrow, today, or whenever	[Francine]
	The view will reveal	[Nymo]
	Something surreal	[Francine]
	The city looks just like Gilligan!	[archaeopteryx]
	The yankees who settled in Hartford	[Francine]
	Thought Southerners weren't very smartford	[Kansas Sam]
	They turned up their noses	[Francine]
	At bare Southern toeses	[Karin]
	From Puritans was seldom a fart heard	[Francine]
	You'll find not'a white cliff in Dover	[Kansas Sam]
	Even if you search over and over	[Beefy]
	But there's teflon galore	[Karin]
	Antiques by the score	[Beefy]
	And cattle a-croppin' the clover	[Nymo]
	See sunny and hot Tallahassee!	[archaeopteryx]
	Most folks there consider it classy	[Will_H]
	To vote Democratic	[Nymo]
	While broiling haddock	[Kansas Sam]
	Amid hanging chads makes them gassy	[Francine]
	The aquarium in Atlanta	[archaeopteryx]
	Is said to be filled with Fanta	[Anon]
	But Ted Turner says no	[Francine]
	Fill it with Faygo	[archaeopteryx]
	Or you'll get no visit from Santa	[Beefy]
	I can't recommend Honolulu	[Will_H]
	'Cause I just don't look good in a muumuu	[Francine]
	As for luaus and poi	[Will_H]
	This haole says "Oy!"	[Francine]
	But perhaps they'll appeal to you	[Karin]
	The spuds raise a ruckus in Boise	[Kansas Sam]
	And the farmers can't sleep, it's so noisy	[Francine]
	But out in the plains	[Beefy]
	Other veggies and grains	[Francine]
	Make you long for the din of New Jersey	[Beefy]
	Lincoln remains e'er in Springfield	[Kansas Sam]
	Where medics will soon get your thing healed	[Beefy]
	Hope springs eternal	[Francine]
	That ventures nocturnal	[Kansas Sam]
	Will save us from reruns of "Seinfeld"	[Kansas Sam]
	The hoosiers of Indianapolis	[Francine]
	Have little idea what a Snapple is	[Beefy]
	They'd rather chug beer	[Francine]
	And watch racecars steer	[Kansas Sam]
	Had we rhythm I think we could rap on this	[Francine]
	If you're looking for fun in Des Moines	[Karin]
	There are lots of 4-H clubs to join	[Francine]
	If Iowegain	[archaeopteryx]
	Corn is your legion	[Howly Ellen]
	Just make sure you've plenty of coin	[Beefy]
	There's fun to be had in Topeka	[Karin]
	Unless you're a serious thrill-seeker	[Beefy]
	Then Overland Park	[Kansas Sam]
	Where the puppy-dogs bark	[Beefy]
	Will have you proclaiming "Eureka!"	[Howly Ellen]
	Do Daniel Boone's bones lie in Frankfort?	[Will_H]
	Does a fifth of bourbon make your head hurt?	[Karin]
	Then drink not to horses	[Kansas Sam]
	That gallop o'er courses	[Karin]
	For nothing is ever a cert	[Beefy]
	You should drawl when in Baton Rouge	[Francine]
	Or they'll haul you in front of a juge	[Beefy]
	You'll be forced to speak Cajun	[Karin]
	Eat gumbo that's agin'	[Francine]
	And dance Zaydeco til' both feet are bruised	[Karin]
	Mainely I visit Augusta	[Francine]
	To see autumn leaves in a cluster	[Beefy]
	Or maybe a moose	[archaeopteryx]
	Or lobster or goose	[Francine]
	Whose tail-feathers make a great duster	[Beefy]
	Mary's land outside Annapolis	[Kansas Sam]
	Where the Mennonites do know what "scrapple" is	[Francine]
	Looks fine in the sun	[Beefy]
	Spiro Agnew's her son-	[Will_H]
	In-law. Or is it George Stephanopoulos?	[Francine]
	Be sure to drink tea when in Boston	[Beefy]
	A city you can get lost in	[Francine]
	When you drive the Big Dig	[Kansas Sam]
	In your four-wheeler gig	[Beefy]
	You'll twang, "Dang, get me back home to Austin"	[Francine]
	Bring mittens when traveling to Lansing	[Karin]
	And bring skates if your flame loves ice dancing	[Helen Owly]
	On the Grand River you'll glide	[Francine]
	Without fear for the tide	[Beefy]
	'Cause the cold stops that beast from advancing	[Helen Owly]
	When you're out and about in St Paul	[Beefy]
	Steer clear of those sights that appall	[Francine]
	Those twins sure are trouble	[Beefy]
	And might burst your bubble	[Francine]
	Then back to New York you will crawl	[Karin]
	Johnny Cash sang "I'm goin' to Jackson"	[Francine]
	If you go there your stay may be taxin'	[Karin]
	You'll hear rockabilly	[Francine]
	Eat shrimp 'til you're silly	[Karin]
	Forcing you to use words Anglo-Saxon	[Francine]
	The weather is steamy in Jefferson City	[Karin]
	And the denizens are not very witty	[Francine]
	They're quick to shout, "Show me!"	[Will H]
	A few rude ones yell, "Blow me!"	[Francine]
	But still they've a place in this ditty	[Beefy]
	Ponderosa pines grown in Helena	[Francine]
	Pay attention to what I'm tellin' ya	[Karin]
	The militias that train there	[Francine]
	May try and shoot your brains clear	[Karin]
	Which, legally, is considered a felona	[Francine]
	Be sure, when you're visiting Lincoln,	[Beefy]
	Where big Huskers wear red without thinkin'	[Helen Owly]
	To chew on some corn	[Beefy]
	While eschewing all porn	[Francine]
	Or they'll drag you away by your pink 'un	[Beefy]
	When scouting about Carson City	[archaeopteryx]
	You might find your skin getting gritty	[Francine]
	It could be the dust	[Grayman]
	More likely, it's just	[Will H]
	That you're dreaming, just like Walter Mitty	[Beefy]
	The Hotel New Hampshire in Concord	[Francine]
	Will evict you if you strike the wrong chord	[Beefy]
	Romancing one's sister	[Will H]
	And claiming you kissed her	[Francine]
	May leave you tied up with a long cord	[Beefy]
	You'll find in the gardens of Trenton	[archaeopteryx]
	Much history, if that's what you're bent on	[Beefy]
	There are strip malls galore	[Francine]
	Fast food joints by the score	[Beefy]
	And lotsa crooked solons to vent on	[Francine]
	On the Plaza in old Santa Fe	[Will H]
	The locals will all cry "Ol�"	[Beefy]
	Though some gringos, I hear,	[Francine]
	Only go for the beer	[Grayman]
	'Cause margaritas are just so passé	[Francine]
	Though not the Big Apple, Albany	[archaeopteryx]
	Is rather tasty, a side dish, like hominy	[Francine]
	It's citizens gritty	[archaeopteryx]
	Who think it's a pity	[Francine]
	That Ed Koch once dissed it as 'Smallbany'	[Helen Owly]
	You'll find Andy Taylor in Raleigh	[archaeopteryx]
	When Mayberry grew dull and small, he	[Will H]
	Played pranks on Aunt Bee	[Karin]
	And lectured Opie	[Francine]
	Then Barney's bad shooting snuffed all three	[Kansas Sam]
	They once had a tourist in Bismarck;	[Will H]
	They still talk of how he made his mark	[Beefy]
	Oh ya, you betcha!	[archaeopteryx]
	Run, and they'll ketcha	[Francine]
	And make you eat kuchen with Otto in the park	[Karin]
	Ensure, when you visit Columbus,	[Beefy]
	That you check with a Buckeye alumnus.	[Will H]
	But don't argue the score	[Kansas Sam]
	Or you'll land on the floor	[Karin]
	And you'll suffer from many a numbness	[Kansas Sam]
	In the bars of old Oklahoma City	[Beefy]
	Cowboys chewing snuff would get spitty	[Francine]
	But these days, you'll find	[Beefy]
	That folks are refined	[Will H]
	'Specially folks on the lynchin' committee	[Kansas Sam]
	No witch trials took place in this Salem	[Francine]
	For such tolerance we should hail 'em	[Beefy]
	They're libs, as you know	[Francine]
	And kooks. Even so,	[Will H]
	It would be injudicious to jail 'em	[Francine]
	The chocolaty life of Harrisburg	[archaeopteryx]
	--Or rather Hershey. Or is it Pittsburgh?	[Anon]
	At times, my dearie	[archaeopteryx]
	Could rival Erie	[Will H]
	Though the schlosses can't match those in Hamburg	[Francine]
	Most tourists thank heaven for Providence	[Beefy]
	Though mists and fogs are often dense.	[Will H]
	The clam chowder is tops	[Karin]
	Though some call it pig slops	[Francine]
	The restroom floor shows the evidence	[Beefy]
	Palmetto fronds wave in Columbia	[Francine]
	With samples the natives will lumber ya	[Beefy]
	Their loud Rebel yells	[Francine]
	And the barbecue smells	[Karin]
	Make you wish you'd vacationed in Umbria.	[Will H]
	Two time zones confuse poor Pierre	[Kansas Sam]
	West, Mountain, east, Central---oh dear!	[Will H]
	Blame Lewis and Clark	[Beefy]
	For this temporal lark	[Kansas Sam]
	But, with care, you'll have more time for beer	[Beefy]
	Don't blow your whole wad down in Nashville	[Kansas Sam]
	And in country bars, don't be bashful	[Beefy]
	Just say, "Hiya, folks!"	[Francine]
	Tell off-colour jokes	[Beefy]
	And the natives will sure keep your glass filled	[Karin]
	You won't need a map when in Austin	[Beefy]
	It a Space that you just cain't get Lost in	[Kansas Sam]
	But if you choose Becks as	[Beefy]
	Your beer while in Texas	[Kansas Sam]
	They'll rocket your ass back to Boston	[Beefy]
	It's doubly dry in Salt Lake City	[archaeopteryx]
	No drink to be had, mor's the pity	[Beefy]
	Though you can't buy a malt	[Grayman]
	Or margarita (with salt)	[Kansas Sam]
	There's enough wives to start a committee	[Beefy]
	The Cherry Garcia in Montpelier	[archaeopteryx]
	Is as good as you'd find by Saint Delia	[Beefy]
	But beatification	[Grayman]
	In this ice-creamful nation	[Beefy]
	Is just relics and memorabilia	[Grayman]
	You'll love everything about Richmond	[Beefy]
	Where televangelists tell you which witch sinned	[Francine]
	Most everything's a sin here	[Beefy]
	Fear the woolf, Virginia!	[Howly Ellen]
	Cuz Satan's done got you all pinned	[Karin]
	Beware when traversing Olympia	[Francine]
	Wear blue jeans and plaid - nothing skimpier	[Beefy]
	Or you'll hear Puget Sound	[Francine]
	Not the garden of sound	[archaeopteryx]
	And your body will slowly get blimpier	[Beefy]
	The flappers you'll meet down in Charleston	[Kansas Sam]
	Speakeasy about Johnny Carson	[Francine]
	Beware sonic booms	[archaeopteryx]
	And cheap motel rooms	[Beefy]
	But kissin' yer cuzin is all fun	[archaeopteryx]
	Take snowshoes when you visit Madison	[Beefy]
	For Dolly and James and for Addison	[archaeopteryx]
	Or all three will get stuck	[Kansas Sam]
	In the snow and the muck	[Karin]
	It's great fun for Mom, Daughter, Dad or Son!	[Will H]
	Home on the range in Cheyenne	[archaeopteryx]
	Wear your chaps with a swarthy �lan	[Helen Owly]
	And when in the saddle	[Francine]
	The equine you straddle	[Helen Owly]
	In Brokeback is called Dick, not Diane	[Francine]

Concept

Tourist guide to state capitals in alphabetical order (of state)

Scheme: limerick

Votes

To end: archaeopteryx, Francine
To abandon: None

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