|
St. Patty's passed us without any puns? |
[archaeopteryx] |
|
(Is this the right time for a joke about nuns?) |
[Beefy] |
|
Still quaffing green beer? |
[Francine] |
|
Well, it's just once a year |
[Beefy] |
|
Thank heavens! It gives me the greenest of runs
|
[Kansas Sam]
|
|
Just a few hungry days till the ending of Lent |
[Beefy] |
|
I'm seeing pink spots and my energy's spent |
[archaeopteryx] |
|
One small one can't hurt you |
[Beefy] |
|
It may well divert you |
[Grayman] |
|
And you've still got three hundred more days to repent
|
[Beefy]
|
|
Mother's Day looms and I don't know her address |
[Francine] |
|
No wonder my therapist thinks I'm a mess |
[Beefy] |
|
It's no use to phone her; |
[Will H] |
|
She'll think I disown her |
[Beefy] |
|
When I tell her I'm wearing her dress
|
[archaeopteryx]
|
|
I just can't remember Memorial Day |
[Beefy] |
|
A bouquet on your grave did I lay? |
[Francine] |
|
Oh, wait. I had you cremated. |
[Will H] |
|
I suppose I should have waited |
[Beefy] |
|
At least you got used to the heat that way.
|
[Will H]
|
|
Come Fourth of July a flag I will wave |
[Francine] |
|
To celebrate being no Englishman's slave |
[Beefy] |
|
Snaggle-toothed and effete |
[Francine] |
|
Fond of boiled, bland meat |
[Karin] |
|
But well worth a shag - Oh, Behave!
|
[Beefy]
|
|
On Labor Day I plan to give birth |
[Francine] |
|
Befitting a daughter of Earth |
[Beefy] |
|
Too bad I'm not pregnant; |
[Will H] |
|
My sex life is stagnant |
[Karin] |
|
Since my nakedness evokes both horror and mirth
|
[Francine]
|
|
Columbus Day! Sail straight ahead til you fall |
[Kansas Sam] |
|
Unless you can prove that the Earth is a ball |
[Beefy] |
|
But if the Earth isn't flat |
[Karin] |
|
Like my fiancee, Pat, |
[Francine] |
|
We'll just check out the sales at the mall
|
[Karin]
|
|
On Presidents' Day, I vote for a beer |
[Beefy] |
|
If I drink enough, maybe I'll like what I hear |
[Grayman] |
|
Barley, malt, and hops |
[archaeopteryx] |
|
While my wife's at the shops |
[Beefy] |
|
Spending big bucks once again, is my fear
|
[Karin]
|
|
Thanksgiving Day! Let's eat till we burst |
[Francine] |
|
There's plenty of gravy to sate any thisrt |
[archaeopteryx] |
|
Every year it's the same |
[Beefy] |
|
Old overcooked wild game |
[archaeopteryx] |
|
And stale bagels with rancid liverwurst
|
[Francine]
|
|
It's Christmas - the season of goodwill to all |
[Beefy] |
|
So let's squelch our angst as we head toward the mall |
[Francine] |
|
We'll lick a candycane |
[archaeopteryx] |
|
And try to keep sane |
[Francine] |
|
And hope Father Christmas answers our call
|
[Beefy]
|
|
New Year's Day! Let's wipe the slate clean |
[Francine] |
|
And resolve that we won't be as bad as we've been |
[Beefy] |
|
The next cur to rhyme |
[Kansas Sam] |
|
Will have to do time |
[Francine] |
|
Cain't catch me! (Ha! - tricked you: tonight's Halloween) |
[Anon] |